


The Absence of Light

by Werewolfswearwolf



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crash Landing, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fights, Get it together Ben!, I'm Sorry, Kudos!, Love, Mad Kylo Ren, Neck Kissing, Opening and closing of emotions, Read me?, Rey is understanding then she's not, Romance, Sad Kylo Ren, Stranded, the force is gone (oh no!)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-02-12 20:45:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12968073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werewolfswearwolf/pseuds/Werewolfswearwolf
Summary: What if both Rey and Kylo were stuck on an island without the force? Kylo has been searching for the scavenger for sometime now, when he locates her Luke leaves in order to meet with Leia for the first time in years. Thus Rey is alone. And just when Kylo thinks all is working accordingly to his plan after he finds her, the unthinkable happens. Their ability to use the force vanishes. The island is fruitful in water and food, but will they put aside their differences to survive when catastrophe befalls their situation?





	1. Flashes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> So this is my first real fan fiction I've posted online. I started this fic a few months (maybe longer) after TFA, and stopped for sometime because of school, work, etc. BUT I'M BACK! And for those of you who might recognize this (probably not many of you) I did have this up on Wattpad for a while under my other pen name ManderSala. But I've been wanting to move it from there to here for some time, and what better time than the present, six days before TLJ premier! Lol, please be good to me? 
> 
> Also please follow me on Tumblr @werewolfswearwolf :D
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

The fog of snow and heat smoldered together against the red and blue. They collided like rain drops hitting the ground in the slow motion. The sight was epic.

The girl he's heard so much about, and the deadly monster behind the mask she's come to fear battled together in the silent snow. Rey and Kyle both knew well enough that this wouldn't be their final battle. They'd meet again in time, when the force allowed it.

Days, weeks then months rotted away like forgotten food. Both Rey and Kylo grew anxious to when their paths might cross again. Would it be today, perhaps tomorrow? Or in the next year...

"Ehumm?" Luke's shoulders sagged with little impatience.

"Huh?"

"Rey, my dear, will you stop allowing your thoughts to wonder and concentrate on what I'm trying to show you?"

The scavenger, now dawning padawan, snapped her focus back into relay. "I apologize master."

Luke studied her. The hazel in her eyes darkened under the shadow of her brow. "If you must speak do so with grace."

Rey wasn't all that sure if what she wanted to say was worth telling. "I don't think you'd approve."

"I'm not at strict as many of the former Jedi once were." He gave her a look of trust, smiling gently. "Try me."

Rey's teeth clamped hard on her bottom lip. "Well, I was going to ask you if it would be acceptable to go and seek out your nephew."

"And why would you want to do that?" She suddenly felt cornered. "It wouldn't be to fight him, would it?"

"Master he sliced open Finn, killed his own father, tortured Poe and not to mention basically did the same with me in that awful death trap of a planet!"

"Rey you are blinded by youthful rage."

"He can't be allowed to wonder freely across the galaxy wreaking havoc! He's probably killed more since I fought him now than ever before. You didn't see the hate in his eyes. You didn't see the way he looked at me."

"And in what way was that?" Luke asked.

"Darkness. Nothing but glazed over eyes like he hadn't been blinking for days."

"Would you be referring to pain?" Luke asked, practically rolling his eyes.

"Oh please someone like that couldn't feel pain. I'll bet he feels nothing. Nothing at all."

"Rey you must understand that those who dwell on the dark side feel more than any of us. The reason to why you're asking is not to seek him out and fight, but to explore what sort of emotion or lack of emotion he's experiencing. I know that it intrigues you."

Rey exhaled deeply. Both palms of her hands flattened agains the curves of her face. They meshed against her skin like cotton, then sulked onto the rise of her forehead. "I know this is wrong. But he hasn't left my mind. And the way we fought, it was as if we were--" Dare she say dancing? On that frightening notion she rose quickly to her feet. "Maybe I am too caught up in it. I should just forget it."

Luke followed her with his eyes. "No. Don't forget it. That moment you spent with him fighting in those woods was your awakening. You should never forget that. Even if it was with him."

Rey's heart plunged at the idea.

"I implore you to meditate on these feelings you project towards my nephew. It might help. But I don't want you seeking him out. Not yet at least."

"You mean you'd let me fight him again?"

"Not fight. No. My sister is correct to believe that there's still good in him. I'm beginning to feel it too."

"What makes you think that master?" Rey's curiously spiked.

"Because when the force awakened in you, the light sparked again in his heart. And I have good reason to believe that it was due to you."


	2. Castaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you're all aware, this story is going to flip flop back and forth from Rey's POV and Kylo's.
> 
> I love comments and maybe Kudos?

Oh how lovely she stalked towards him. The image of the girl with three buns and torn rags dressed upon her body haunted him in such a way, even Supreme Leader Snoke would think twice before crossing paths with her. Then again...maybe not.

Her, her. Her name. A fact of which Kylo never picked up on. It must be something beautiful like the tempered salt of an ocean, or as strong as a thorn on a flower of Naboo. Yeah. Beauty.

"Sir." The monotoned voice of a common storm trooper echoed through the doorway. Kylo didn't realized his quarters were unlocked. "Hux demands you presence on the bridge."

"Demands?" Kylo asks through the metal voice of his mask. "Don't you think that's a little above his pay grade?"

"Ah sir, we don't get paid."

"Maybe you don't, you worthless excuse for a plastic sharpshooter. Leave!" Under Kylo's temper, the unknown solider scurried off, with the sound of his nylon suit clacking through the hall.

The question of who she was kept tunneling through his head. When Kylo did reach the deck and Hux's lips blabbered off into the beyond with nonsense, Kylo daydreamed of her. All the moves she made right and all the ones he faulted on during their duel. She moved like a pro and someone who'd been training her entire life. She made him look inexperienced. It was down right embarrassing. And Kylo hated her for that, no matter how beautiful she appeared to be. He still harbored some level of dignity. And if it was the last thing he ever lived to do, Kylo would find her and make her pay. For all of it. The scar on his face, the storm in his gut he had each time he thought of her, and how she left him here. In the snow. Alone to die. Like the monster she told him he was.

"Are you even listening Kylo Ren?"

"Who could possible keep an attention span long enough to listen to that voice of yours ramble on and on."

"Honestly Ren, if you were interested in capturing that scavenger of yours then you'd be all over my plan to find her, Skywalker and the resistance. Even Snoke thinks it's not such a bad idea."

Hux couldn't see Ren's eyes rolling around behind his mask. But if he could, his reaction might have been the most interesting thing Kylo has seen all day. "Alright, you have my attention. Let's hear it."

"It's been about seven months since our base has been blown to bits and the resistance has found Skywalker. The girl is probably with him training this very moment. This, now, is the time to strike. The resistance believes we are at our weakest and it's imperative to show them that we are stronger than ever before. We must strike back with indomitable force!"

"Before the day ends Hux?" One of the other generals asked, mocking his monologue. Half the room of higher ups and troop leaders chuckled. Hux's face reddened as his leather gloves gather into themselves.

"My point is to send out a search party and figure out what planet the girl and Skywalker are hiding on, take them hostage and use them to our advantage to have the resistance surrender."

A random voice from around the room spoke out asking, "What would we gain from the girl? I can see why Skywalker is valuable to us, but a scavenger from the deserts of Jakku? We would gain more from a Gungan!"

"The girl is wanted by Snoke himself. He's requested her capture to be trained under Kylo Ren's teachings."

"Why would Ren teach someone who beat him up?"

The room shook, stammering the leaders into a silence so deadly the air might have turned toxic. "I assure you that brawl was a test to see what she could do. I let her win. It was the quickest way to gather what level her power was at. And I knew the moment she slashed my face in half that she's certainly a soul worth training. It'll be easy. The hard part will be convincing her to join."

"I'm sure you'll find a way Ren." Hux issued his words like a challenge. "You seem to have a connection to things that are abandoned. Now the search party to be dispatched through the galaxy will be-"

"My knights will do just fine."

"Excuse me?"

"The knights of Ren are on a superior level compared to your storm troopers. They'll get the job done much faster. And I am their master. I'll be leading this hunt. They'll be sent off onto separate planets, survey them and get back to me in good time. As for me, I'll be trying to contact her mind and locate her that way. Her walls are high, but my thoughts are more than demolishing. Eventually she'll give in. Snoke has already approved."

Hux and the other generals didn't know what to say. None of them wanted the pleasure of challenging the most powerful dark forcer in the galaxy. So the room was silent yet again.

"Very well."  
\--------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night Kylo called in all five of the knights of Ren to give them their assignments. Little did they all know Kylo would be journeying out into the field like them. Keeping this information well hidden from Hux and the Supreme Leader himself. They were all under the impression that he'd be watching it all unfold from his private quarters.

But no. He couldn't just lay back and miss out on all the fun. And the best part was keeping his knights out on a wild goose chase as he already knew the girl's location. He's knows for weeks. Fragments of dreams and memories of and ocean like dark blue kyber crystal and ruins on the island she has been calling home. Oh yes. He knew exactly where she was. The muscles in his heart contracted in waves. Slow sulking churns of his stomach yearned to watch her pay for what she's done to him. Kylo didn't even care about bringing her to the dark side. In fact he thought it best for his conscious to witness her die before his eyes on the side of light. Yes. That's how he wanted it.

No matter how beautiful she was, dark or light, Kylo needed to watch her die. Death. It was the best way to end his suffering.

Right?


	3. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV

Sometimes when it was cold and dark during the night, Rey felt it necessary to go outside and take a long walk by herself. To aid her thoughts and rid them of any lingering darkness that she knew slowly seeped into her goodwill. Thanks to Kylo Ren that is, Rey was tested each and everyday by the dark. And it wasn't major things. But visions of Ren popped into the corner of her eyes when she moved too quickly. Every so often she'd feel the sudden whirl of anger take over her better judgment like a storm, compelling her to lash out at her master. These situations certainly sounded more intense then they actually were, but thanks to the amount of light she held, the darkness never toppled her. But it was always still there. Lingering. Waiting.

On the highest mountain on the island Rey could see all the stars visible enough to the naked eye. Some were blue while most where white, and others blazed in crimson or even green. Those were the oldest of stars. Someday they'd die, blasting out a tsunami of energy, forming a nebula more beautiful then the heavens themselves.

Rey often wondered what it's be like to live as a star. Would it be hard, expelling such energy endlessly for eons. Or easy, maybe even a gift. Such power in such a contained amount of space. Like stars the Jedi weren't far from hold such power. Even members of the Sith from the old Republic reminded Rey that that sort of power would drive someone mad if they allowed it to consume them whole. Like Darth Vader, almost like Luke. And like him. Kylo Ren.

The name made her gag. How could someone so vile and murderous stay in her head for so long. Was it his force energy that stuck with her? No. Maybe it was the fact that he was the son of the general and Han Solo...no that wasn't it either. What ever it was, she become connected with him. A bond formed during her interrogation on Star Killer. A bond which link her mind to his. But what was worse was that it wasn't only their mind which become one, but their hearts as well. Sometime it raced when she sat still. Other times it jumped at the sound of his name when mentioned by Luke, as if he was listening from the other side. Their blood boiled together when they talked about it each other behind their backs. Like children under a time out, their emotions surged under fire from each other's very vision. Odd. She thought about it more often than every before. That could possibly mean that he was seeking her out again? Right?

"AHHHHHH!" Rey's frustration echoed amount the clouds, reverberating off the rock and ocean of air. "Han." she whispered. "What do I do? Your son is darkness. He's killed people. He killed you. When the time comes, our paths will cross again. And when they do I'll have to make a choice. Kill him, or spare his life. I want to make him pay for all the things he's done to the galaxy, to his family. But I just don't know if I can take a life. Please, tell me if it's right."

"It's not right, nor is it the Jedi way."

Luke's voice startled her. She jumped back a whole foot and a half, her breath heaving slightly. But she was more than happy to see that it was her master rather than someone else.

"I am sorry. My intention wasn't to frighten you."

"No no!" Rey chuckled. "It's fine, I'm fine."

"Are you?"

She didn't respond as quick as she liked. "Yes? No? Ah I don't know! My head is spinning and I can't slow it down. Master, I must confess, I see him everywhere. In my sleep, when we train, in my reflection. What does it mean? Is the force trying to tell me to go after him?"

"Child, the force guides you, it can't make choices for you. It may sway and waver in your favor or not but you will always have the power of free will."

Rey just stared at him with glassy eyes.

"Rey, what I said earlier today, about you sparking light into Kylo's heart...I wasn't lying. Something's different in the force. Before it was harsh but now it's level of energy is calming down, it seems to be quite mellow. Ren and you are having similar experiences."

"Oh I doubt that."

"Really?" Luke hummed. "You feel the ripple don't you, the call of energy going out then coming back to you?"

Rey nodded.

"You're currently in a call and response with Kylo Ren. Every time he thinks about you or even says your name, you feel it. When he unwilling dreams of you you see them too. This is happening because of the bond you have forged with him."

"But I'd didn't mean t-"

"I know. And you must recognize that he didn't mean for it to happen either."

"'Master, I don't know what to do. I need to find him and end it. I just don't know if it's he right thing to do."

"It's not whether if it's right or wrong, it's how you must go about approaching him. Like you he won't listen right away. And whatever he says, you won't listen either. Trust must be built."

"You can't be serious. Trust him? Luke, he KILED Han, and thousands of others, he tried to kill me!"

"Did he? If I recall correctly you said he ask you to join him."

"Well he tried to after I said no."

"Your actually told him no?"

"Oh come one, I don't remember exactly what I said to him, I beat him! I won and he lost! There done!"

"You left him."

"Well what was I suppose to do, pick him up and bring him back to the falcon, tend to his wounds while Chewy forgives him for killing the most important person in his life?!"

"Rey I'm saying that he's still in there, Ben, Ben Solo. The boy I trained years ago and you are the only one who has a chance of bringing him back!"

"And how do you suggest I do that huh?"

"I think you know how."

What master Luke was insinuating was completely against Jedi code. And Rey knew exactly what that rule was. "He's a monster! And he hates me just as much as I hate him! I can't-we can't, love? Love each other?"

"Rey I don't mean you have to love him, but compassion is required to surface his buried humanity."

"How could anyone feel compassion for that beast."

"I did." Rey realized she might have hurt her master. "We all did. Leia Han Chewy. Everyone. Rey if you knew him as Ben you'd be more in love with him than all of us."

"It's because I'm a girl right?"

Luke laughed. "Not at all. It's because your heart is just as large as his."

Heart. He had a heart?


	4. Stray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo/Rey POV

All good things come to those who wait. That's what Kylo kept repeating to himself as he snuck off the First Orders HQ planet of Casserola. And it was much easier than he though it'd be. Average storm troopers wouldn't question his motives to where he was headed or what he was doing. If he was to be worried about running into anyone it'd be Hux or one of the other offices from the meeting last night. Then, then he's have to worry about being caught.

Funny, Kylo never thought he'd be sneaking around his own base because of some scavenger. He couldn't help but lie to his Knights, he needed to do this alone. So he sent each of them off to search planets as far away as possible from Ahch-To. Far from her.

Kylo reached his ship. It waited for him with two troopers guarding its ramp. He signaled for them to be dismissed. They didn't hesitate, it made him smile behind the metal.

It had been a long while since Kylo has flown his own ship. It was the same vessel that he carried the girl off to Star Killer with. It suited him. The way it's wings folded and retracted depending on if it was grounded or flying. And the best part was its color. Black like his...well, everything else.

His ship blazed off into the cold snowy atmosphere. It shuttered against the blizzard, binding its will through the air, eventually making its way above the icy clouds and into the freedom of space. Now. The girl.

\---------------------------------------------------  
Rey POV

Master Luke woke Rey up early the next morning. And we're talking 3 am, three hours earlier than he'd normally wake her. Rey wasn't all too sure as to what he was on this time. If she needed anything, she needed sleep more than anything in this world. Maker knows she's had all too little of it in the past, protecting herself robbers and killers.

"Oh stop your whining child. You'll thank me later."

"Will I now?"

"I think so."

Rey laughed, slowly waking herself with each rising stair that came before her. She didn't really mind getting up this early. Luke knew that as well. Rey rose with the sun and set with it as well. But it was at least another hour and fourth five minutes till the sun even peaked from beyond the horizon. For now the sky of night stars accompanied them on their journey to only Luke knew where.

"So are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Where's the fun in that? Plus I want to see you face when we get there. You'll be more than pleased."

He and Rey reached the top of the adjacent island to where they had made their camp. It was much taller than theirs, and the mountains head hooked like a cane into the air. Hiding the thing that Luke was so anxious to show her.

"Well then, here we are."

He looked to Rey, and saw an expression too adorable for words. Her jaw dropped amount the beauty of water falls and lake that pooled bellow. The color of grass on this side of the island wasn't green, but purple. A color Rey had never seen before. And it filled her bliss like a comet strikes the night sky. "W-why? What are we going to do here!? Can I finally learn how to swim? Please! Oh wow, is that a hammock?"

"Built it myself."

"How did I not know this was here?"

"Clearly you haven't been able to swim across from our island to discover it for yourself. And for good reason, I keep this here to myself when I need a moment or a day away from the ruins. You know how palpitating their energy can get."

"But why are you showing me this?"

"Rey, I need to leave for a few weeks. Leia has requested my presence at the base. I don't know why, and don't you worry, she said it's nothing major. But you need to be somewhere where you can hid easy if needed."

"Who would I need to hid from? And you know well enough I can take care of myself." Rey smiled.

"I know. And I trust you very much. But it's just to be safe. Plus you can relax for a while. Like I said the other day, meditate while you're here. You'll find that this space can be quite calming for the mind. It might be of use to you. And everyone needs some time to themselves."

"I've had enough time to myself to last a life time."

They laughed, Luke understanding that she didn't and should be left alone. And Rey knew that he needed to see his sister. She was sure he missed her.

"You know, it's fine. I'll be fine. Here, alone. Maybe you're right. Time to meditate and think. And who knows, maybe by the time you get back, I'll be swimming like a pro!"

"I certainly hope so."

With that, Luke and Rey returned to their island to gather their things. Luke returned with Rey to their little slice of paradise on the falcon. And that's where he left her.

The falcon zoomed off into the sky with both Chewy and R2-D2. Rey was alone. Again. And this time, she was okay. She was fine. She was happy. Because she knew, for sure this time, someone would come back for her.


	5. Sun Kissed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV

It's been two and a half days since Luke left, and Rey couldn't be happier. She woke up each morning on the hammock her master had weaved together with whatever vines and branches he could find from the surrounding area. Truth be told, it wasn't all that comfortable, but nether was her cot that played on soil cold rock on the other island. She'd trade that for this any day.

Never the less, it was hotter down here than up in the ruins. Warmer, much more beautiful. The water of the lake was clear and dazzled with bellow with grey and black pebbles. The sky was clear with the sun beaming onto her face. She glowed in it's light. Her skin never burned, but tanned splendidly thanks to the hot desert days of Jakku. Her freckles danced across her skin in patches like an ombre quilt. The sun suited her well, as did the sand just brushing the tips of her toes. She truly was in heaven.

About an hour after she awoke from a nap, Rey stripped herself of all her wrappings other than the ones which covered her chest and hips. The air grew thinner and thinner the higher the sun climbed into the sky. And the more she gaze over at the lake, the more tempting it looked to cool off in.

But water, like most other lacking objects not found on Jakku, was aline to her in such large quantities. It certainly was an intimidating sight to be held, and Rey wasn't sure if she trusted her body enough to keep afloat. After all she was a Jedi in training, so what could possibly go wrong? All she needed to do was keep to the shallow edges and progressivly go deeper inch by inch. And unless she felt that she was endangering herself in anyway shape or form, she could just run out, as if it never happened. Then maybe she could try again tomorrow.

"Okay Rey, just breath. It's just water." She stalked over to the rippling edge. "You've faced death in the face and slashed it with your light saber." She swallowed. "Because you're a badass Jedi." Her toes curled before the cool touch of the liquid. "Rey, a Jedi master." With unsure confidence streaming out from every pore in her body, her toes finally touched the lake.

She jumped at the room temperature the water held. Unlike her skin, which was blazing, the lake cooed her to wonder in further. And with each new step the higher the water rose up her calfs and past her upper thighs.

Rey sighed a high pitch sign of relief. "See this isn't so bad?" Her skin flushed with goosebumps by the thousands, and her once crossed arms fell beside her waist in relaxation. "Yeah, this is nice."

Staying true to her word, Rey kept close to the rim where the water came up no more than an inch above her stomach as she played down, prospering herself up on her elbows. If anyone where to walk into her little oasis right now, they might mistake Rey for some sort of siren. A true beauty of nature. She was so natural looking it was almost too unnatural.

And so her peace ended with a snap of wood and pebbles rolling around from behind her. Rey disrupted the water, turning completely around. "Hello?"

There was no response.

"I am armed! Come out and show yourself!"

Nothing.

Completely spooked out of her mind, Rey moved out of the water and back to the hammock to gather the remains of her clothing. Her eyes still glued into the direction from where the sound echoed out from, she snatched her saber from the sand and lit it like a match.

Her breath escaped heavy from her lips. Now there was a shift in the force. It's calming surface was disrupted by a figure angers and hostile. This could only mean one thing.

"Kylo Ren I know you're here. Come into the light!"

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"I hope to maker not that ugly mask of yours."

"For someone who lives in a place like this, you're quite unnerving."

"Well a monster such as yourself puts me on edge."

Kylo hummed from the shadows. "I see."

Rey stood her ground with her saber high in offensive position. The force vibrated with each step Kylo took closer to her. "Don't be shy, you certainly weren't last time."

"Scavenger, I don't have intentions to kill you today. I just want to talk."

"Talk?" Rey asked, her expression loosened under slight surprise. "There's nothing to talk about! Fight me Ren!" The breath of Kylo's metal mask hissed with a cackle. "Don't laugh at me!"

"I simply can't help it. You're so confident for someone who knows nothing of the force."

"Says the man who used it to take innocent life."

A long pause hung in the air. More steps were taken forward by the Knight. He was now at the end he of the woods, painted in shadows, just inches from touching his boots to the sunlit sand. "If we're going to fight, I'll like to know the name of my opponent."

This wasn't expected on Rey's part. She figured he was playing with her head. "You don't deserve to know my name."

"Just as unworthy you are of knowing his name?" Rey was confused. "The name of the boy I killed before I was feared as Kylo Ren." There it was. The rejection of his past. Rey wondered why he separated his two identities. Not that it changed what he's done to the galaxy, but it made no sense pushing Ben Solo away from his life as if he was a completely different person. He and him, Kylo and Ben, they were the same man. The same boy.

Rey began lowering her saber, with caution. "Who are you?"

The quarry startled Ren, as if it hit him like a bolt of lightening. His form staggered back a foot, fearful of what he girl might throw at him next. "Stupid question."

"No it's not. And believe me I'm doing all that I can to hold myself back from not matching that scare of yours onto the other side of your face. But I want to know."

Rey walked towards him.

Kylo was almost too stunned to move.

"I'll ask you again, who are you?" Rey asked with moist lips.

"Come and closer and I will cut you down."

"I don't think you will."

Kylo's grip tightened around his tri-bladed light saber. "I will kill you."

"No. No you won't. Because you wanted to talk, so let's talk."

She finally stopped three feet away from him. His breath and heart hitched as if he's did the same. She was right, he did want to talk. Fighting was useless, it was the whole reason he want through what he did to get here. Because he too wanted to know more about the girl who kicked his ass on Star Killer. And as much as he hated her, like she with him, the curiosity of lineage snagged his interest. What bothered him more so than anything, was how to go about asking.

"Who are you?" She asked him again.

"Leader of the Knights of Ren."

"Wrong answer." She slipped her blade onto her leather holt at the side of her hip. Then it hit her. Her skin, wet and glistening in the light, was exposed. Oh no. She was still only half dressed. Rey's eyes fell onto her bare flat stomach, legs and neck. Her face flushed red, completely forgetting that she had just walked out of the water. And this whole time Kylo didn't say a word about her lack of attire.

"Something wrong girl?" Kylo mocked her. "Forget to put some clothes on."

Rey huffed in a spin on the sand, walking back into her territory. Her hands ripped her clothes from the hot hammock and gave Kylo a face that read a giant, fuck you!

All he could do was watch her.

"Well you know what? When you're ready to talk you can come find me because you suck for ruining my day! So thanks for that you murderous beast!"

Rey scurried off towards the other side of the lake, knowing well that Kylo wasn't following, but watching her slim desert figure saunter off into the light.


	6. Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

Kylo's attire hung heavy on his figure. It's thick cloth gained more of his perspiration each moment he spend just standing there, unsure of what to do. Silly really, the mighty Kylo Ren had been shut out by the girl he so deviously hated for so very long. And when the opportunity presented itself to him, to find her and end it, he took it. So here he was, failing to register a decent idea as to how to end whatever...this, was.

The day sank off into the night. And the scavenger kept her distance from the far side of the lake, but still in good sight of Kylo. She made a fire across the way. And oh maker, it looked so warm and welcome. Too bad it's host wasn't so.

Kylo asked himself if it'd be wise to walk over and sit next to the scavenger. To talk of corse.

So he did.

His movements were small, slow. He didn't want to startle her like earlier. And although his intentions were (well for lack of better wording) good...ish, his mask remained attached to his head. Why? Well, in all honesty, even if the girl did already mention that hideous scare she'd given him, he didn't want to give her the pleasure of seeing it in person. He didn't really know her, and from what he's already learned, she seemed like the person to take advantage of any laughable situation.

Kylo was close enough to hear the crackling flame just ahead. But he was still far enough away to from the girl that she wouldn't see him. And how could she even if she was looking? His clothing was black like the rest of the night's backdrop. There was no way she would ever see him watc--

"Kylo if you're going to stalk me from the bushes, you should keep your thoughts in your head."

"Stalking is for children."

"Huh that's weird because you seemed to do a lot of it when you chased me through the woods on that death planet."

"As I said, I am here to talk."

"Not with that mask on you're not."

"Scavengers such as yourself can not request such an order at me."

"Then I deeply wonder why you willingly took it off yourself that day in the interrogation room. Don't tell me you got something else to hide under there. Another scar? Some crazy facial growth perhaps? Don't worry Ren, living on Jakku all my life means you learn not to judge based off appearance. And clearly I still think your death walking, so there I just proved my own point." Rey finished with her arms propped up on her bent knees, proud of herself.

"Then you think I'm pleasing to look at?"

The air was suddenly sucked completely from her body. Her mind screamed for her to say something, anything! "Will you just take off that mask! It's really difficult to understand you."

"Is it? Are you sure you just don't wanna see my face. Because you missed me?"

"That would require some level of compassion. Which is at level negative infinity for you."

Ren stood there clenching his fingers into fits, debating among himself. Mask on mask off? He felt so beside himself with out, as if it was taking off a layer of himself. He certainly didn't know why he showed her his face the first time. And he didn't really know why he was about to do it again now. Maybe this was the way to open her up. Through trust. He needed, wanted, to know why this bond was formed and how to break it. So this was it. Time to talk.

Kylo's hands rose over his mask, dismantling the latched on each side. The front piece slid upwards and hissed in a stream of air as the entire headset came off. His black locks tumbled out and the freckled paleness of his skin echoed through the dark. His eyes shuttered away from the scavenger, she was trying her best to lock eyes with him.

"Would you look at me?" She forcefully requested.

He snapped his vision onto her. And the girl almost fell over the rock she sat on. "There."

"You can't possibly have that many personal issues that you can take off a helmet without making some sort of emotion scene."

"You don't know me scavenger."

"Will you stop calling me that!"

"Then tell me your name!"

"NO!"

Kylo's body tensed. He wanted to rip her apart. Why, why wasn't he?

The girl played around with the sand between her fingers before one of them felt the tension passing through them calm.

"Why are you here?"

"My request still stands."

Rey's brows furrowed. "Request?"

Kylo sighed, so annoying that she didn't remember. "Join the First Order. Let me be your teacher? Remember that?"

"For some who wants to teach me, you don't sound all that excited."

"This wasn't my idea. If it were you'd be dead mixed with the ashes of Star Killer and I'd be crushing the resistance base."

"Then why don't you just end it. Huh? I think you know that my answer still stands."

"You never gave me one."

"I think I was pretty damn clear."

"Snoke doesn't think so."

"Then you can tell your precious Leader that it's a big fat no."

Ren surprisingly didn't react harshly at all. He continued to sit there, and study her. "You're impossible." He said with a straight face.

"And you're an incompetent imbecile." Her face seemed to stoke the fire with the venom weaved into her words. "Why are you here alone?"

The realization finally hit him. He hadn't mentioned that his ship had crashed on the side of a mountain on another island. He couldn't tell her that, she'd use it to her advantage. "I get things done quicker on my own."

"Oh really? I don't see that working out for you."

"I could always handcuff you and drag you to my ship. Maybe I'll even stuff a gag down your throats so I don't have to continue listening to your annoying voice."

"Then why don't you, almighty leader of the Knights of Ren?"

Her hazel eyes whipped open a can of come at me bro just as Kylo cracked his knuckles under he leather of his gloves. Oh how he wish he could. But it wouldn't serve him well at the moment. Lay low, he told himself. Who knows he could learn much from this scavenger. "Let's just say I have other plans in mind."

"Would you mind and scurry over to that side of island. You're drowning out my last nerve Ren."

"Don't mind if I do."

Kylo grew from the ground like a demon, casting his long shadow against the girl and her firelight. His mass shifted away from the light and back into the darkness of the woods without another word.

The girl watched over the fire for another hour or two, then found herself drifting into the sanctuary of sleep.

Eventually the fire died and all that lit the beach was pure blue moon light from the sky. Kylo never made it back to the far side of the lake. Instead he made do with a thick tree branch three feet from the ground as his bed. Watching the girl fall asleep made him drowsy...It made him sick.


	7. Let it Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey/Kylo POV

Rey was beside herself. She clearly stated last night that Kylo was to crawl his way back to the other side of the island, out of sight and out of mind. Yet here he was. Practically dead at her feet. He must have fallen off the tree at some point. Who cares?

She ignited the saber she made around a month and a half after she found Luke. It was duel bladed, agile, light and forged from the rod she came to call her own back on Jakku. It's color was much like it's setting skies, yellow gold.

The tip of it lowered against the cool surface of the monsters mask. It sizzled without reaction from his sleeping form. Maybe she needed to try harder.

Rey's grip tightened, her wrists moved like a whip, snapping the blade onto Kylo's shoulder. It burned through the thick of his clothing and just touched his skin. Kylo's reflex was to kick Rey out from under her feet. She jumped avoiding contact. Oh now he was awake!

Rey sensed he was about to say something, something stupid probably. "Whatever you're about to say, save it! You didn't listen to me when I asked you to leave!"

Kylo stretched out his hand throwing Rey back ten feet unexpectedly. "You don't order me around girl!"

"STOP calling me GIRL!" Rey's body sprung into action.

Kylo's saber twisted against the flat of his palm, lighting up crimson, clashing against Rey's. His laugh was cruel and devoted to the darkness laying within each ounce of his blood. "I asked you once to tell me your name. So what would you like me to call you?"

Their blades flung in every direction. Bouncing off each other like two sides of the same coin, they seemed to move as one. Kylo noticed right off the bat as to how much she's improved over these last few months. Rey could tell he was trying harder this time around, as if she was now worth fighting. And that made her angry.

"I don't want you to call me anything but your enemy!"

"So be it scavenger."

Rey seemed to put all she had in her moves. Her legs and arms strained against the force Kylo was throwing at her. Granted he was easily six inches taller than her and much more built, Rey was holding up well. Her double blade became a challenge for Kylo, as he wasn't use to dueling with someone who knew how to use it as well as she. It was interesting, but overall a decent enough learning experience as to how she moved. Kylo came to see that she'd lunge with her left foot first each time she rose her back ended blade against his side. After a few tries to impale him, he blocked her hard enough to throw her off balance and knock her back into the sand where she belonged.

Rey recovered quick enough and slammed her elbow into Kylo's stomach. This came as a shock to him. He wasn't sure how she moved so quickly into his personal bubble. His saber shackled in his grip, loosening. Rey aimed her fist at his, still recovering, should wound.

"AHHH!" A shock wave of nerves rooted into his core shook like a quake. Direct hit.

Kylo kneeled before the girl who had somehow fallen to her knees as well. Perhaps it was the amount of force she used to knock himself down. How weak of her.

Rey's breath was stolen from her lungs. Somehow all her energy was drained, and her body grew limp by the second. The staff of her saber rolled out of her palm and into the sand. The yellow blades retracting.

Kylo's hands quivered. He too grew weaker.

"What is this?" Rey asked in lazy whisper.

Kylo didn't answer, all that followed drained into darkness as sleep surfaced in his head. This couldn't be happening, he thought to himself, he lost again. To the same stupid desert rat.

But little did he know that Rey passed out right at the same moment as he.

Together, foe next to foe, the dark sider and Jedi in training lay beside each other like someone just dropped their bodies off from a quarantined area. If their stomached hadn't been rising and falling every few moments, one might think that they died in the spot. But no, that wasn't the case at all.

From the hill top a half a mile away stood Luke cloaked in his hood, and his twin sister Leia by his side.

"They'll be okay?"

"Would you stop worrying so much? I used just enough force to simply pinch the nerves that induce comas, enough to keep them asleep and out of harm from each other for a good day."

"Do you really think this is a good idea Luke? There's so much hate in him. I'm not sure Rey can handle it."

"You said it yourself, there's still light in him. I feel it too. And Rey, ha! She can certainly handle him."

"I wonder what will become of their relationship when they wake."

"Nothing will change, that I assure you. She'll still think his a murderer and he'll still want to take her captive."

"That's what frightens me. What if they don't change?"

"They will. Now that I've temporarily taken the force away from them, they'll have to work together. To survive that is. Rey can't swim, Kylo's idea of getting off the island is with only Rey and food will eventually run out."

"Then we step in. I won't let them starve Luke."

"I wouldn't allow that either. But they're both survivors. They'll find a way."

"And their force bond?"

"It's still there. Once they learn to work together it'll resurface again."

"I swear sometimes I worry about you." Leia laughed.

"All this alone time really helps hatch brilliant plans."

"Oh yeah, brilliant!" Leia's lips rolled around in sarcasm.

"Don't mock me!"


	8. Beasts of the Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

Unlike the freezing mornings on Star Killer, the lake and beach resting in the shadow of the mountain was hotter than expected. So when Kylo woke from the bleak depth of sleep, he was coated in a sheen of sweat. Gross I know, but considering all the clothes still on his body, it was only a matter of time before it began to really bother him.

He pushed his palms into the sand trying to compose his structure and coherency. His eyes were blurry and watered slightly. Like the rest of his body, he gasped for air as if he hadn't tasted it for years. But losing his strength quickly, his muscles quivered under his own weight, releasing his mass into the sand again. He grunted. "I blame you." He managed to rumble out, figuring the girl wasn't far from him.

There was no response.

Kylo sat up again, this time his eyes clearing through the blinding sunlight. His entire body was like a magnet to the grains. Thousands of fragments of sand stuck to his arms legs and torso. He skimmed them frantically, scattering the annoyance off like swatting flies from the air. Now that he's taken care of that, there was the matter of his clothing. The heat demanded sacrifice it seemed, and Kylo was more than willing to give to the sun was it was asking for.

He stripped out of the wraps on his biceps and triceps, then came the cape and next his tunic. MUCH better. Kylo's fingers raked the mane on his head, dragging the sweat back. Oh yeah, better.

His boots were already filled to the brim with sand, so it only made sense to take them off too. If he really need to go hiking up the mountain to back to his demolished ship, or looking for food, he could always strap them back.

So their he stood. Gleaming all white skinned from the lack of sunlight all his life with fists in his pockets and a smug look on his face. What to do what to do? This certainly wasn't something he'd been planning. But this is what the situation was demanding and he'd take advantage of it as best as he could. It was Snoke who wanted the girl to join them, so maybe this wasn't all too bad. He could still do his job. Get to know her? Right? Yeah. He could do that. All he had to do was find her again. So what was the last thing he remembered?

...

Oh...they were fighting.

Last thing he could recall was yelling and falling. Then nothing. No. No. Stop. He, the mighty Kylo Ren, could NOT have passed out during a duel! No. He wouldn't believe it. He flustered under the idea. Okay okay, he needed to focus, was there anything else, anything he could remember afterwards, perhaps before he woke?

His mind searched through he darkness. Then came across the sound of hollow movement. The sound of bare skin against the heat of the sand. It was she. The girl. Kylo's mind might have blacked out but his hearing worked through the night. The girl most certainly woke before he did and managed to run off and hide. Too bad their wasn't too many places to keep herself from him.

Kylo laughed. "So we're going to play this game are we? So be it scavenger." He opened his mind and willed the force to plague the entire island.

....

His breath hitched. "You think you can suppress my abilities in order to keep yourself hidden?!" Kylo's fits struck the sand. "Not for long!"

He began hiking towards the direction of his ships wreckage. His best bet was that she went searching for how he managed to get here. Smart, yes, Kylo admitted. But he'd find her soon enough. And she'd wish she hadn't run away from him.

It took Kylo around twenty minutes to make his way back to the ship he so carelessly crashed. But it wasn't entirely him doing, the ship he stole from the First Order fleet was about to be sent to the trash compactor. He could fly in his own ship, he would have been too recognizable. So he didn't care all that much as to how ruff the landing turned out to be. Even if the weather her was pleasant, the morning mist was thicker than soup.

He stood before the crumbled ball of black metal, wondering as to how the girl would manage to fit into such little space. His thoughts wondered off for a moment or two, going blank like the daytime sky of any care in the world. His memories shook him back a step, into a time when Han Solo had taught him everything there was to know about fixing a broken ship. He could do it, start working on it and see where it'd get him. No. He had bigger fish to fry.

A branch or vine snapped behind him. And Kylo whipped around so fast he practically knocked over rate girl who had been following him the entire way.

"So," the scavenger started panting. "this is how you got here. Doesn't look like you usual high and mighty hawk shaped trash can. What'd you do, steal this one? Because your own ship wasn't enough?"

"I'll have you know I built that hawk shaped thing all on my own. And for the record I didn't want to be followed so yes, I might have borrowed it."

She didn't have a response to that. Only a scowl and a scoff from her lips. Kylo watched her get back to her feet as if she'd been knocked down plenty of times in her life.

"I guess you're stuck with me girl. This is until I figure out how to get myself off the ground."

"What did you mean by you didn't want anyone following you?"

"The resistance, the first order, everyone. I have my own plans on how I intend on going about things."

She made a face that seemed to poke at his brain, it was a look of wondering. Wait, she was trying to look into his mind. She was trying and failing. Oh this was interesting Kylo thought.

"You're impossible. And still need to be trained, you clearly aren't making very good headway with that awful hag of a Jedi."

"No." She was almost out of breath it seemed. "I can't see anything."

Kylo was laughing now. "You really are such a determined one. Allow me to show you the proper way." And without so much as permission from her, Kylo's hand reached out almost taking her by the neck and dove into her mind with such....difficulty? Nothing. He was not making it past those gloriously vivid hazel eyes of hers. No no no. What was he doing wrong?

"Having trouble beast?" She mocked. "Well it seems we are in quite the conundrum. You can't see through the force and neither can I. This defiantly sounds like story Luke would put together."

Kylo's breath caught up to the girl's. Oh maker he was actually panicking. "You cannot seriously be suggesting that my uncle would do such a thing."

"It makes sense as to why he left me so unannounced. He knew you were coming, and I didn't. SHIT! I should have known something was off."

"If I can't use the force, I won't be able to go back, Snoke will kill me."

"Boo hoo. Sucks for you."

Kylo snapped his entire body onto the girl's tackling her out of rage. She fought back with good enough strength but at the end of the day, he put weighted her and outsized her. Without the force of her saber, she was no match for the son of Han and Leia.

"Will you get off me!"

"You don't know what it's like!"

"Nor do I care! Now get off!"

"Tell me your name!"

"No!"

"TELL ME!"

"I WONT TELL YOU!"

Kylo got off her needing a moment to collect his thoughts. But she refused for their outburst to end there. The girl jump on his back, closing her arms around his neck just barley cutting off his lungs from the air.

"Tell me everything you know about plans to destroy the resistance!"

"Don't even try scavenger." He could just make out.

"DON'T CALL ME SCAVENGER!"

Kylo back up into a tree, slamming her against it. She cried out as if it hurt more without the force than it would if she still possessed it.

"THEN TELL ME YOUR NAME!" Kylo swung around after she let go and sunk agains the trunk. He was facing her full on now, shirtless and all. "TELL ME WHO YOU AFE SO YOU STOP HAUNTING MY DREAMS!"

She couldn't move. He encased her with the shadow of his body and she was beyond frightened of those words. She was a ghost in his head at night. A lonely figure that came across his conscious thought every so often. It wasn't true she wanted to tell herself. Then again she'd be lying to herself. Because she would meet him her in her dreams too.

"My name is Rey."


	9. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

Something in his face transformed against the rising sunlight. With both of his monstrous hands cuffing her wrists, Rey was trapped for the moment. Given the opportunity to rest her eyes onto his face for an HD viewing.

As she'd already taken notice during their first few encounters (but never actually said out loud to herself) was how abnormally attractive he was. His face was long and slightly disproportionate. A long nose and large crooked lips centered the rise of his freckled dusted skin. The blackness of his eyes morphed into a warm teak brown when filtered against the light. And atop them sat furrowed brows that nervously danced at the sight of her each time a forest surrounded their encounters.

Then she found it. The trail of melded flesh she's left behind from the day she thought she left him for dead. It crossed over his right eye, down the rise of his cheek bone. She assumed it drove into his shoulder, but the clumping of his dark attire shield itself away from prying eyes.

"You're hurting me." She hissed.

Something in Kylo's head forced out a twitch in his left eye. "Rey." She watched his lips spilt out her name. "What kind of name is that?"

At the tail end of his awful question, Rey found the weakest point of a man between his legs and kicked as hard as she could. 

Kylo fell to his knees, as if he was suddenly struck by a bolt of lightening. But oh no, this bolt of lightening was the little force he couldn't grasp his mind around, Rey.

"You're pathetic and don't deserve to speak my name you severed beast!"

"May I remind you, it was YOU who did this to me!"

"Not my fault you can't lift a saber properly."

"Not lift a...oh you SCAVENGER RAT!"

Kylo's strength, only half regained, threw all of itself at Rey. Encasing her body inside his, Kylo and Rey began flighting the old fashion way. With their fists.

Kylo certainly had the upper hand here as his was nearly twice her size and certainly twice her weight. His arms were long enough to reach Naboo from Takodana. And his strength he wielded... Rey was no match for him without the force. He was just too physically over powering.

Her weight toppled over a boulder, landing her spine onto a sharpe ripple in the stone. She cried out, but didn't stop from trying to pry Kylo off her.

The rage from knowing he was without the force compelled him to blame all of which has happened on her. The only person who could have done this. The girl. Rey. Stupid stupid name.

"Get off me!"

The two struggled for what felt like hours. Back and forth the two of them threw what level of punches and kicks they could, but neither of them seemed to truly win against the other. As Kylo was much larger, he couldn't bring himself to injure the scavenger any more than just leaving a few bruises on her skin from his grip. Rey on the other hand was giving it all she got, which came close to Kylo's level, but still couldn't manage to outweigh him.

She sunk against the rock, luring Kylo's weight into itself, causing him to fall as she slipped out from under his reach. She was on the outside now. Sizing her chance, she ran back to the lake.

Kylo gathered his strength to chase after her.

Rey could have sworn she'd lost him a few times before she reached the beach. But his long legs were too quick to race. She fell over her feet into the sand. It flew around her like dust rather than grain. Her eyes stung from it, and she was blinded.

For a moment the air stood silent. As Rey listened for the thumping of Kylo's heavy feet, she couldn't make out what direct he was coming from. Her lungs rose and fell inside her ribs like balloons. Panic surged through her veins when her sight was clear again.

He was standing before her. With fists clenched at his sides, and heavy breath escaping from his nose. "Why'd you do that."

"You were hurting me."

"Rey."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop saying my name!"

Kylo's eyes dashed from hers onto her ankle. Blood seeped from her skin. Flooding the sand, dying it crimson. "I just wanted to know it." He swayed to the side a bit, as if he was contemplating on helping her or not. "It's, different. And certainly fits."

"Don't act like you know me."

"I don't need to know you to teach you the ways of the force. I just need your name."

The water from the lake rippled with a calming rhythm. It threw a sort of incense into the surround air. Rey noticed how much Kylo had calmed. "You said the force."

"Correct."

"Why not just the dark?"

Kylo's eyes glint against the light. The brown of his eyes adhered to the hazel of Rey's like clockwork. He didn't answer her right away. She felt bliss in knowing that she stumped him. "I don't know."

His eyes wondered down to her injury yet again. "You're bleeding."

"It appears that I am."

"If you'd just let me--"

"DONT TOUCH ME!"

Rey's legs crumpled against her chest, while Kylo shuttered his reaching hand away from the cut. He felt the need to move in, leaning in a crouching position. Much like the same way the first time he'd encountered he scavenger.

"I can heal you."

She looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

"How do you think I was able to heal myself?"

She was quiet for a while. Then spoke with little volume. "I thought the first order had enough credits to pay for a high end doctor to mend you."

"I get no such treatment. The supreme leader does not think it's wise to spend money on such ill expenses. I leader to heal my own scars once they became a weekly routine."

"Routine?"

"Once a week I was evaluated and judged on how well I was exceeding through my training. Most weeks I'd pass. Others, I'd fail."

Rey's voice loosened. "And what?"

"I was punished."

Rey's eyes squinted out of uncertainty. She sat up a bit to ask the obvious. "How?"

Kylo ripped away from her gaze, finding the lake beyond her. And beyond that was her makeshift hut she'd built from what the island had to offer. "Does it matter? All you need to know is that I learned to heal myself after I understood that they wouldn't take care of me in that way. I was on my own when it came to keeping me health."

Rey was emotionless. Her eyes looked like they were screaming from just thinking about he possibility of how the First Order went to punish those who didn't live up to basic expectation. Let alone living up to Supreme Leader Snoke expectation of how the leader of the knights of Ren should be. She felt something she didn't think she'd ever feel towards this strange sad man. Remorse.

"Don't feel for me scavenger. I'm sure you know all about taking care of yourself."

"Which is why I understand more than you know."

"You do not hate me then?"

"Hate isn't the Jedi way."

Kylo almost smiled. Almost.

"And you killed your father."

"That man was a filthy space pirate who would never deserve the title and honor of being Kylo Ren's father." He turned away smug and angry yet again.

Rey looked up at him as she thought he was beginning to walk away. "Certainly not yours. But Ben Solo's."

He stopped. Anger flooding his blood. But sadness beyond anything controlled his next set of words. "Ben solo is dead and doesn't have the strength to return. Not after what I've done."

"Maybe he does." Rey sat up enough to push herself off the sand. It fell from every inch of her clothing. Kylo turned to watch her. "Maybe Kylo is just protecting Ben."

"I don't know what that means."

"I think you do."

Rey, looking up at him from a whole foot below his height, smirking a bit. She glowed like the sun and she knew it too. Kylo's face couldn't handle just sitting still any longer. He had to let free the emotion that he'd locked away for so long. And it was plastered all over his face as his skin heated in a tint of pink. Acceptance.


	10. The Lion and the Lamb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo/Rey POV

"Talking about my past to someone like you is a waste of breath." Kylo stated so firmly.

"Someone like me?" Rey said as she reached the entrance of her hut. She stepped inside beyond the sound of Kylo's voice. She was sure he said something along the lines of a hardy 'Yes.' She took hold of her cloak, and wrapped it around her shoulders. "You're one to talk." She mumbled. 

"What?"

Rey confronted him outside, nearly knocking him over he was so close behind her. He clearly has no respect for personal boundaries. "You think I'm going to open about my childhood to you too? I'll have you know it's not much, but I can already see that you had much more than I ever wanted. And I find it rather insulting that you'd give it all up for the power of the dark side. That's a level below weakness. It's cowardly."

Kylo smirked as if he was preparing to lash out the greatest come back the galaxy would ever hear. "And you think you know something of survival?"

"I am a scavenger."

"And I'm just a Jedi knight who lost his way."

"Are you not?"

Kylo's eyes narrowed. "Don't change what I'm trying to say."

"And what would that be?" She stove down the edge of the water, ripping her staff from the sand, strapping it to her back. "Life lessons from the master of the Knights of Ren? That's cute."

"Yes actually. And you'd be wise to listen. My past is none of your business, and neither is that son of the Princess and Pirate."

"Ben?"

Rey found herself running into Kylo as he jumped in front of her, blocking her path. "DO NOT say that name. Not in front me."

"Will you get out of my way!" She shoved him to the side again. "Fine, we'll drop it. For now."

"For now?"

The sun dipped against the horizon. The day was rolling away with the warmth of day. And night was falling against their skin. It was time again, Rey thought. "Until then, we need get food. And this is the only time of day to get it. So unless you want to starve I suggest you tag along. I'm not sharing squat with you. I'll teach you but you have to catch your own!" Called after him, as he had stopped a while ago in order to collect whatever it was she was babbling on about.

"Catch what?"

\------

At the edge of the south side of the Island sat a cliff. Easily fifty feet to the break of rock and ocean, it was more than dangerous to be fishing off of. But it's how Luke taught Rey to catch her own food. And it was going to be the same place and way she'd teach the only person she didn't want to be around.

"You can't be serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" It was more of a question than statement on Rey's part. And her words were sour, they were always sour towards him. It was more than her deserved. She thought he didn't even deserve to speak her name let alone talk to her directly. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

Kylo scowelled like a little Elmo boy who'd misplaced his eyeliner. Pathetic. "Alright, you'll use Luke's rod and I'll--"

"No."

Rey's eyes fluttered. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not touching that."

"Are your really that bitter that you won't even use your own uncles--"

"HES NOT MY UNCLE!"

"OKAY OKAY ILL USE HIS!" Rey's breath was heavy. She couldn't believe this man. "You can use mine."

Kylo took the rod from Rey little hands. She could have sworn he hesitated to rip it out from her grip. As if he was scared to shatter her frame. Even tho she was the one who was average of height. He was the one who owned the monstrosity of height. Rey guessed he had his father to thank for that.

"Okay, have you ever fished before?"

He was silent.

"Let me guess, fishing was apart of you dark mysterious past?" Again, nothing. "Fine."

Rey cast her line out, the hook diving into the crashing waves. She perched atop a boulder at the edge. Her face scrunching as he lips were wet from he ocean spray. If Kylo wasn't with her. This would have been a perfect evening to fish. Alone.

"That's how you do it. Just let it sit and if you feel a snag on the line, you reel it in."

"I know what to do." He sneered finally.

"And how was I suppose to know that?"

"You weren't." Kylo threw out his hook much further than Rey's. Not to her surprise. His arms were three times the thickness of hers and much much longer. "See, I'm already better than you."

"If you're trying to compensate for beating me in fishing compared to me kicking your butt in that forest, I'll take this any day." Rey knew that'd push his buttons.

"I already told you I let you win."

"Oh maker here we go." Rey slapped her palm against the side of her face. "You did not win! If you did you would have a three mile scar running from your neck to you nose!"

"And I have you to thank me for that! I wanted to teach you! I wasn't going to kill you, I wasn't planning on fighting you at all! I asked you to join me, I never said I would kill you!"

"Oh well it certainly seemed that way when you nearly pushed me off that cliff!"

"I didnt make the cliff! I was not pushing you either. I was seeing how much power I could get out of you, I wanted to see what you could do! That's why I fought you!"

"Oh so it was all a test was it?"

"Maybe it was! And here's some good news, you passed with flying colors!" His face was mocking her in a shade of red that was only meant for embarrassing situations. Although it was tough for Rey to pin point what in the galaxy he could possibly be embarrassed about. "You did better than I expected."

Rey's eyes flashed up and down his black clothing, searching for something she never thought she'd hear from him. "Are you complimenting me?"

"What of it scavenger?"

She stood on the rock, now two feet taller than him. Dazed at what she was hearing, her confidence danced and she found herself smiling with all he teeth in her skull. Something she has yet to do since he'd crashed into her life for the second time. "He is still alive!"

"BEN IS--"

At the tip of Kylo's last word, Rey's line snagged. It ran away from the coil off the end of her rod. Pulling away much quicker than Kylo could finish his words, Rey's body was snatched into the ocean bellow.

She screamed all the way down to the rocks as her form nearly nicked a sharpe jetty. The moment unfolded too fast. First she was on land, now she was nearly drowning.

And that was the worst of it. Something hadn't occurred to her till just now. Growing up on a desert planet had taught her many things. From how to deal with intense heat, burnt skin and survival among ruthless aliens and scoundrels. But now, in an ocean, where her weight couldn't hold her own, she lacked the knowledge to keep herself afloat.

This was it, Rey thought. This was how she'd die. She couldn't only imagine the release of Kylo Ren's emotions. She was sure he was already gone the moment she hit the water. What a spineless joke of a leader.

Rey's thoughts drifted off into a slumber as her legs and arms could no longer support the survival and breath her lungs ached for. She was dying. She wasn't breathing. Her hair had come undone and flowed around the frame of her face. She looked like a vision, even lifeless, she was more beautiful than ever.

Rey's skin dipped to the touch of something solid. Sets of fingers capped her wrists, her forearms, now her shoulders. A black mass encased her, rising from the deep. And the pressure on her temples lightened.

There was a storm rolling into the night, as Kylo, cradling Rey's flooded body, broke the surface water. Rain flew down and lightening burst against the smirky clouds.

All his strength was thrown into getting him and the girl to shore. He treaded water for more than ten minutes, trying to find some sort of flat land with little rocks to lay her body on. Sand. He needed soft sand.

His eyes found a beach. He swam to it. With the scavenger in his arms, a bit heavier than he expected.

As his eyes dipped to see if she was breathing yet, all he could wonder was how such a strong willed person could let something so little like falling off a cliff get the best of her. Such a little nuisance he thought.

Such a beautiful accident was their encounter.


	11. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't exactly have a singular point of view...so third person?

Sand clung to them like glue stuck to paper. It creeped its way into their soaked clothing, between each strand of hair, and under the most tucked away parts of their finger nails. Black grains of the coal dusted beached contorted the air to a thick atmosphere. Even the salt from the sea dampened the sky.

Kylo's tired arms threw Rey out from over his shoulder. Her body seemed to bounce, and if his ear was close to her chest he might have heard the slush of water flooding her lungs.

Rey's body was cold, completely out beaten from the waves and pull of the tide caused by the storm. Thankfully Kylo was all but just short of breath. He trained for situations like this. Not particularly this type of situation where he'd have to rescue his enemy...but in times of trouble where he'd have to rescue himself or another high ranking member of the First Order. Yes, he trained for something like...this.

Rey's breath was whittled and weak, like smoke from a dying fire. But she was alive, which was all that mattered. He hadn't killed her off just yet.

"If you can't handle yourself on this island alone, why did my uncle leave you here to fend for yourself?" He wasn't expecting an answer. He just needed to says something. Something other than asking her if she was okay. That would have sounded too weak. Too weak for the master of the Knights of Ren. "Honestly. You'd be dead without me."

Rey's eyes fluttered open. Oh she'd have something to say about that. "D-dea-DEAD?! WITHOUT Y-YOU?!" Kylo's eyes rolled over to her as his body hit the sand out of exhaustion. "I was doing just FINE before you got here!"

"And look what I just pulled you out of scavenger. You would be at the bottom of the ocean if it wasn't for me."

Rey huffed, sitting up with her legs crossed and her arms tangled into each other. "If you're so self righteous why didn't you just let me die? Save yourself all the trouble of 'watching' over me!"

"I've told you, I don't want you dead. As much as you think I do, I have better plans than leaving your body to the waves."

Rey's body caught up with her sitting up so quickly. Her stomach seemed to contract and burn at once. Water flowed up from her stomach and lungs, pouring from her mouth like vomit. Kylo didn't see, thank maker, she thought. It wasn't a pretty sight. But why did she care what he thought?

"Regardless, it still would have been better than being stuck here with you." She stood after she finished her coughing spell. "Luke can't be gone much longer."

Kylo's eyes followed the scavenger as she walked past him and around to a hill she started climbing. Her feet, heavily soaked, dragged against the sand turned grass. Dare she looked back to see Kylo following her, she'd shun him. Saving her life or not, it would never make up for the thousands of innocents lives he stole under the First Order.

"Going to try again?" He asked quietly.

Too bad she heard him. "To what are you referring?"

"Don't tell me you're going to climb all the way back up that cliff, sit there and wait for some ocean creature to snag you away just so I can rescue you again?"

"I'm getting as far away as I can from the likes of you. I've had it, absolutely had it with your mind games, and snarking, and looking at me like I actually don't hate you at all. Well guess what Kylo?" She asked ankles deep in damp coal sand. "I do hate you. You and all your violent actions to innocents and myself. I hate that you killed your own father. I hate that you've shut your mother and uncle out. I hate it all! Maker I hate you! I don't care if it's the Jedi way or not! You Kylo Res are terrible and you just want to corrupt all the light left in this world, including myself! So why don't you just get it over with and take me back to your precious leader? I know he can find you regardless if you have the force or not!"

He was a bit shocked. Kylo honestly didn't know what to say other than, "I don't think he's actually looking for me." His eyes fell into the retracting tide. "You're right, he should be able to contact me without the force, but he has not. I feel.." If he said nothing, he feared that word would surface another word. A word much more dangerous to speak across his lips. A word Rey would hear "something."

She didn't respond.

"What I feel is something I haven't felt since the day I killed Han Solo."

"Just say it Kylo! Your father!"

"I can't just say it!"

"Why not!"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT WORTHY! ARE YOUR SATISFIED?" His eyes widened with rage, fists clenched flying around his head. That's when Rey noticed how soaking wet he was from saving her life. Just as much as she was, his clothing clung to his frame and she couldn't look away. But she had to. Because he was stalking towards her. "Do you understand me Rey? I am not worthy. This is what I deserve. This life, the life of a murderer, a Darksider fallen Jedi, the unworthy disappointment of the greatest force Dynasty in the history of the galaxy!" He was huffing out his sentences. "THAT'S why Ben Solo is dead. I killed him because Ben Solo is too good for what I became."

Rey's eyes fluttered, filled with wonder and fantasies of what Ben Solo might have been like if he hadn't been murdered by this sad creature nearly engulfing her in his aura. "You can change." She whispered under the mist. "I-"

His eyes found hers, although they were doing their best to avoid him.

"I can't but feel like you want to change. Like you want me to change you, or something."

His shoulders shrugged unceremoniously. "If I wanted to be...Ben, again" His lips frowned. "I'd go back to my mother. Whether she would be willing to accept me or not. I wouldn't dream of the likes of you changing me." Tears welled against the round of her eyes. Hazel and bright, they stung Kylo's skin the moment he said the very words he didn't actually want to pass his teeth. He regretted it the moment they did. 

"But you said it yourself. You do dream of me." Rey back off and carried her weak body up the mountain side, washed and waisted.

Kylo watched her leave as if he was watching the world shatter into a thousand pieces. He did dream of her. Every night since he abducted her and interrogated her in that confined space. He remembered it like it was mere hours ago. The smell of her skin wreaking sweat and salt. Her face caked in it too, with baby hairs stuck to the sides of her freckled temples. Her lips flat yet soft in a line so straight it was as if someone drew them on. He had carried her himself onto his vessel. Her weight was defiantly malnourished, and by the looks of her body now (not that he'd been seeking any particular details out) she had put on the weight she needed. More muscle from training he presumed, and the littlest trim of fat where all woman needed it. She was of picture perfect health now. And that made him hap--

"What in the--" Kylo stammered back into a wave, shunning such feelings towards the garbage picker from Jakku off like a deadly insect. His eyes snapped away from her, his hands were sweating a little. NO, he thought, it had to be the water of the ocean. He wasn't--he couldn't think of her in such a way. Never.

But when he looked back up the cliff to find her, she was looking back down at him. They locked eyes for just a moment. Then she was gone. Back to her oasis.

No. Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the spelling and grammatical errors from the beginning up till this point! I always miss the little things :$


	12. Fabrications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV

Night came and the rain stopped, thank Maker. When Rey reached her hut on the beach, she stoked the dying fire breathing life back into it. Her clothes were wet, completely soaked, and her arm wraps seemed to fall apart completely. She looked at them like they were once the most important thing to her, and they were back on Jakku. Climbing through the fallen Empire Ships meant shards of broken glass and metal were more common than coming across sand. Protection was needed, and that's what her wraps gave here. Clearly they weren't thick enough like armor, but they did their job well enough.

She uncoiled them from her elbows, breaking apart completely at the wrists. Throwing them outside she slid out of her vest and unclipped her belt. Shoes thrown off, then socks until she was left just her pants and sleepless shirt. Both of which were dripping. Her eyes fell onto the threshold of inner hut and the outside. A little pinch of curiosity swirled around the idea of where Kylo might be. She assumed he was following her back to the oasis's beach, but she didn't exactly check often if he was. She simply assumed he was. She hated that.

She shimmy out of her pants and ripped her shirt off from over her head. Rey was bare with the exception of her chest wrappings and undergarments. She hung everything near the fire in hopes it would dry soon, so she wouldn't freeze. She body already began to shiver slightly and the fire wasn't large enough to keep her body heat in check. She curled next tot he flame, hair wet and heavy on her neck dripping down the line of her spine. And then there was the lack of food. Rey cursed to herself, remembering that she had failed to catch anything worth consuming. She had Kylo to thank for that. 

Speaking of, a shadow passed outside. Somewhat sloshy sounding and heavy steps, Kylo was heading for his side of the island. Away from Rey.

A chilling moan escaped her lips, and his walking stopped.

Rey held her breath. Not that she was hiding from him. He must have known she'd head back here, and her firelight from within was difficult to miss, so why would a simple exhale of shivering air stop him?

Rey waited. For something, anything. For him to come barging in and take the fire she built away from her. Throw her out. Do something that Kylo Ren would do.

But he didn't.

Instead something else happened. His clothing fell in the sand, nearly all of it. Wet, like hers, he gathered it in his arms and walked away. Rey's eyes widened when she no longer heard his footsteps, relieved? A few moments past until they returned. Her body tensed when he ducked his entire frame through the door of her small hut. His pants were still on but his shirt was off and the wrappings of his arms weren't removed, yet.

"Did I invite you here?"

Kylo didn't react, he did even look at her.

"Really? The s-silent treatment?" Her words quivered against the chill of night. "Look I'd rather n-not fight with you over s-something stupid but this is my hut, I made it and if you're in need of shelter, you c-can go build one your--" That's when Kylo threw his cape around her. Surprised at the fact that it was not dry, but coated in sand, Rey figured he must have abandoned it in the heat of the day. "What are you--"

"Do you want to freeze?"

"N-no."

"Then don't complain."

"I wasn't I just wanted to know--"

"I can hear you chattering your teeth from outside. It's cold and that fire isn't enough."

"I don't need you to look after me, for the last bloody time!"

Kylo finally met her eyes. Rey's gut fell at the way his body seemed to unconsciously show itself off to her. Her eyes trailed down the plate of his wide chest and swell of his arms. The narrowing line of his abdominals were trimmed as if someone sculpted him. Freckles dusted his skin like hers but in a much more prominent manor, darker and slightly larger. Closer to his hips a small trail of dark hair lead down his--

"Looking for something?" She found his head again, stone faced.

"I think you should leave."

"I think I should stay."

Rey's lips parted, and didn't revolt.

"For the warmth, obviously."

"Obviously." She pulled his cape around her shoulders tighter, keeping eye contact with him. Did she blink? She wasn't sure.

Kylo dropped to his knees across from her, with he fire between them and the light dressing their expressions. He began unwrapping his arms when Rey felt it necessary to inform him that her clothes were wet which would explain her lack of attire.

"I'm not objecting." Her checked flushed red at that. She swallowed the lump in her throat, damning it back to the feeling in her gut she knew was just biology. Rey could admit that to herself, now that the force wasn't aiding their shared thoughts. Kylo Ren was attractive. Very attractive. His hair was perfection, much better looking than hers would ever be (regretfully). His features were large, from his fingers to his nose and right down to the rounding of his ear peaking out from behind the damp strains shading his head. Rey wondered if that's why he grew his hair longer than most, to hide them. She asked herself why he's be shameful of such a unique quality? A quality she found somewhat endearing.

"What of tomorrow?" She asked so suddenly.

"What about it?"

"What are you doing?" Her fingers tapped against the balls of her knees curiously searching the ground for something other than his face.

"How long has it been since I've been here?"

"Not sure, two, maybe three days? Why, counting down to something?"

"Always assuming the worst." He sighed. "I just wanted to know how long is all."

Rey's expression lightened, but not by much. Her tangled hair tickled the nape of her neck, and out of aggravation she pulled it from her signature buns. Her locks tumbled against the peaks of her shoulders, dressing her eyes more green than hazel against the ember highlight forged from the fire.

While her fingers twirled and detangled the sea salted strands, Kylo watched her intently. Rey felt his eyes on her, and the urge to say something about it boiled her blood. Until he beat her to it.

"Where did you come from?"

"W-what?"

"Why are you here, where did you come from, and why are you tormenting me?" He couldn't have been serious.

"I hardly think I'm tormenting you with initial purpose. None of our encounters would have ever happened if you didn't kidnap me." 

"You're exactly right, none of this..." He paused. Then took a breath making sure she was looking at him with the same weight he used to look at her. "us, would be here."

"You say it like it's a good thing."

"Is it a bad thing?"

Was it? Was it truly all that terrible? Considering Rey's former life back on Jakku, things could have been a lot worse. And to be honest with herself, Kylo, as much as she didn't want to admit it, was not all that terrible. She reminded herself of all the things she hated about him, and remembered the way she spat them in his face. She couldn't be like him, cruel. It was that moment when Rey hated herself more than she hated him. "I suppose not. But you've cause enough trouble to make it bad."

"I did save your life."

"I didn't ask you to."

"So you'd rather drown?"

"Maybe!"

"I'll remember not to jump in after you next time."

"Good."

"Fine."

Rey lied down, back facing the fire and Kylo Ren. Her one shoulder dug into the sand as a subtle huff of frustration escaped her lips. She need sleep, and if they'd continue bickering over topics like this, she'd drive herself into right up the road of insanity. With Kylo sleeping in the same hut as her (or at least that's what she figured he was doing since he wasn't moving) she need to be cautious. Which meant staying awake until he fell a sleep first. 

Her frame sank further against the sand and the crackle of fire sung her into a drowsy lull. Sleep didn't take her as quick as she'd like, but it took Kylo. He snored through the breath of his nose with lengthy inhales, not loud, but low and throaty. He sounded like a tamed beast resting among an environment he trusted. When she was sure enough he was indeed sleeping, Rey sat up. His cape and makeshift blanket slid down her shoulders when she turned. She watched his chest rise and fall at a steady pace. Left hand atop his stomach and the other cushioning his head. She signed. The conflicting battle within her only grew with the more time spent with him. She didn't even know what sort of battle she was fighting. She continued to tell herself how much she hated him, and she found plenty of reasons to back up her claim. But he also made it easy to find other reasons to make him more appealing than he was. 

If Rey was being honest with herself, there was no real reason. She just couldn't help but feel the rage in her slowly smolder off into the empty part of her head, where stored things she believed to be a waste of time. And he was no longer apart of that. He was becoming apart of her time. She didn't jump for joy at the thought, but she didn't scurry away from it either. Rey couldn't estimate when Luke might return and stop this little game of his. Or when Snoke would come looking for his pet with his Knights of Ren. She couldn't tell time it all it seemed. It suddenly became irrelevant. 

Rey bedded her thoughts, curling into the black cape that belonged to Kylo Ren. The cape he gave her because she was cold. She held onto the fabric, drifting slowly. She wondered if he was as cold as she. She could have guessed that he didn't care. Lastly, she wondered if he cared for her.


	13. Darkness of the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third Person POV (originally Kylo's POV but oh well!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo sorry this update is beyond overdue! College is tough man! Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Something hurt his stomach. A pinch of nerves that might have been globbed together rolled hard at the base of his abdomen, enough to wake him. His body didn't exactly shoot up, but the response would have been enough to wake Rey if she was closer to-

His eyes rolled down to the ball of heat curled against him.

It was her.

Rey.

As if she set him on fire, his entire body tensed. His first question was how in the galaxy she made it all the way over here? Or rather, did she move here consciously, or in in her sleep? Important questions he was asking, and important answers were needed. 

What was worse was that she had her back pressed up against his chest, her legs curled inwards and arms cradling her torso. She looked cold, but maybe not as cold as she once was before she moved beside him. Kylo felt nothing towards the girl-nothing at all. But his body screamed otherwise. His skin grew sensitive with goosebumps and the hair lining the back of his neck stood up alert. And maker, Kylo didn't dare think about the throbbing feeling growing between his legs. 

His entire body jerked backward at the thought. Through the involuntary reaction, Kylo seemed to disturb Rey. Her body turned around completely so that she was now facing him, all the while burying her hands against the flat of his torso. She never opened her eyes, but her mouth hung open slightly breathing hot air against his chest. Nostrils flaring slowly, eyelashes fluttered with each inhales and exhale, Rey's freckles danced against the firelight. Her mouth closed and her pink lips pressed together into, a- smile.

A smile?

Kylo swore he was dreaming. 

"Ben," she whispered surprising him. "come."

Maker, that was it. 

Kylo jumped up, hitting his head against the ceiling of Rey's self-built hut. 

"Fuck!"

Now it was Rey's turn to be startled. Her eyes flew open and body went ridged. 

"What!" It certainly wasn't a question, more of a scream than anything. She shot up too, nearly losing her balance and falling backward into the dimming life of what was left from the fire. "What? H-how did I get over-"

"Here? You tell me!"

"Okay, Maker I'm sorry! I must have been cold." She turned quickly, moving back to her half of the hut, even though she deemed it to be completely hers as she was the one to construct it. Alone, she added heavily, in her head. "Wait wait, you should be the one to move, this hut is mine!"

"You allowed me to sleep here for the night." Kylo's face tightened.

"Oh and would you look at that, the suns are rising on the horizon. It's dawn."

"Meaning?"

"Leave!"

Kylo's massive hand stroked across his scalp, combing his mane in the process. He breathed out frustrated and found the dying fire in the middle of their shared space. Why he couldn't look her in the eyes was something foreign to him. His gut clenched at the idea of being so close to her again. He needed to move, escape from this small enclosure. And if Kylo was to remain here any longer, her scent would drive him up a wall.

"Fine!"

Rey didn't watch him as he flamed out the door. Her arms clenched the soft black fabric around her only to realize that she was still holding onto Kylo's cape. Her lips pressed into a thin line, contemplating whether or not to throw it outside along with him. But she was still cold, and her body couldn't find the strength to reason why she needed it off the exposed parts of her skin. Rey grunted just then, her arm ripping off the cloth and balling it into her fits as much as she could. Her body stormed out of the hut before she could stop herself. She found him stomping along the waterline, kicking sand while doing so.

"Here!" She threw it at him. It fell to the sand so unceremoniously, barely making it halfway to where he turned around to look at it. "I don't need it."

His eyes flickered from the cloth to her eyes and they stayed there, holding them down. "Yes, you do."

"I don't."

"Then why were you near me? You said you were cold." He was moving closer to her again. Step by step Rey could feel his heat returning to her. "Tell me."

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" She shook her head. "I think you do. You're so lonely so desperate for comfort that all you know is the heat, the heat from you desert planet is the only comfort you've ever been given on cold nights. But when you're with someone, you attach yourself to them so deeply as if they'll wake up and leave you the next morning."

Her eyes watered slightly. "Stop."

"And just as they do, that hole in your heart grows deeper. You dig yourself deeper, hoping and hoping for someone better to come along."

"No." 

"Guess what, no one ever will." Kylo hissed at her, inches from the red flush of her face.

Rey's eyes birthed tears, they streamed down her face exiting at the break of her chin and her neck. "Yeah, I know." Her knuckles smashed against the curve of his jaw, breaking her bone slightly. Kylo stammered back, shocked out of his mind at what she just did. Rey's body cringed at the pain washing over her arm. She just punched Kylo Ren in the face.

"You just punched me!"

"Not like you didn't deserve it!"

Kylo's lips spazzed wanting to find the right words to spit back at her, but nothing came. When he calmed down a little he just stood there, watching Rey cry and whimper at her bruising fist. His eyes found the curve of her neck that turned into her shoulder and wondered what it'd be like to press his lips there. Would her reaction be to punch him again, or to press her back against him and moan for more? His mind took a lap for even thinking of such as thing, but he wanted to know.

"You're right."

Rey's wet eyes lifted, and with open lips, she responded with a quiet, "What?"

"I deserve it. All of it." Kylo's suddenly extremely tired body sank to the sand, with legs extended out to water.

Rey wasn't necessarily shocked at his sudden change of emotion. He was already too all over the place for this to be out of the ordinary. But what struck her was that he was hesitant to look her directly in the eye.

"Why did you run out?"

"What?"

Rey asked him again, "Why did you run out when we were perfectly comfortable?" She surely was not beating around the bush. "I was cold and I don't remember moving next to you, but you didn't seem to mind."

"I didn't." He still wouldn't look at her.

"Then what happened?"

"I'm not supposed to be here!"

"You came here on your own!"

"I meant with you, I'm not supposed to be here with you. Like that!"

"What's wrong with that? What's wrong with being close to someone else?"

"It's dangerous."

"Yeah, but you still get a level of love out of it."

"Love isn't real."

The venom in his words only made Rey feel more sadness for him. The need to be even closer grew, no matter how small that need was. "Yes, it is."

"Don't act like you know."

"I do. And so do you, you've just forgotten."

Kylo looked up to find her standing over him, but she was already sitting on the ground, extremely close to him. His lungs hitched breathing in her scent again Her eyes haunted him, so very light like sunshine and moss in the spring. Life and light. Everything he was not.

"What if I don't want to remember?"

"I'd say that's a lie."

"You don't know me."

"Not yet. And quite frankly, I know your mother and she's wond-"

Kylo's body tensed. "DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT WOMEN!"

"You know what? Here's an idea maybe, just maybe, if you allowed her to love you you'd know what it feels like!"

"I DID!" His breathing was hard and extremely quick. "SHE WAS NEVER AROUND AND WHEN SHE WAS SHE THREW ME TO SKYWALKER! I WANTED ALL HER LOVE AND HAN SOLO'S BUT THEY NEVER HAD THE TIME!"

She knew he was sent away, what she didn't know was this. It all seemed so sad as if he never made the choice to go to the dark side, but all the people he trusted to keep him in the light already threw him into the arms of Snoke. Unintentional and absolutely careless, the thought of it made Rey angry at his parents, but she wasn't all at once.

"I'm sorry Ben." His skin went white at the sound of his name, his real name.

"Why do you use that name?"

"Because it's the name your parents gave you. My name is Rey because it's all I have left of mine. I love hearing it. It reminds me why I want to find them, even if they were nothing more than junk traders. I need to know why they left me, why the didn't love me. If I die without finding out, I don't know what I'd do."

Kylo's memories trailed into a scene on the Falcon, many years ago...

\---

"Mama, where are we going this time! And why is Daddy so excited?" Little Kylo, around the age of four, sat close against his mother, Leia's chest. A bit cold from the space air, and all too energetic with glee.

"Kashyyyk. It's where your uncle Chewy is from. Your father gave him a leave of absences to visit his family and it's time to go pick him up again."

"Chewy's coming back!"

Han strolled in through the cockpit's threshold, leaning over the chair where Leia sat holding their son. "That's right kid, that furball of ours is coming back."

"So he can play with me?"

"Yes, sweetness, so he can play with you. My little Ben." Leia answered with a wide smile on her flushed face.

Kylo laughed as any child of four would. The sound was pure and new, like the lightest thing you could hear without swooning an awe or two. His face was small and still a bit too plump, ears large and nose already slightly long like his fathers. And a decoration of beauty marks and mole dusted his face like stars apart of a galaxy band. Leia and Han were confident that he'd grow into such features, that he'd be a handsome man someday, and an even better Jedi.

\---

Kylo snapped out of the trance and stood abruptly from Rey. "Love was never an option for me. Not now, not ever." He walked off along the waterside for what seemed like hours. Rey's eyes followed him, stunned at such a thought, she still felt the unwavering need to follow him. But she didn't this time, it really looked like he wanted to be alone. Rey however, did not.


	14. Tastebuds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo likes Rey, but don't tell anyone ;D
> 
> Third Person POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, an update! Who is she????
> 
> Okay, I am SO sorry. Obviously, school is over till August, so I have no excuse whatsoever as to why I haven't updated other than I'm just a lazy bum. Also, I have much bigger projects going on right now, and this is more of a side thing that's helped me work on something other than what I'm currently drowning in. So is this a distraction or a vacation, or both? Honestly, I don't know. I'll try and update more frequently, especially since episode XI will begin filming soon! YAY! (if that's not motivation, I don't know what is). 
> 
> Wish me luck and thanks for reading as always!

He should have stayed on the ship, he should have never attempted to find her, he should have moved on with his isolated life and forgotten about her. Rey. The scaven-- no. The desert beauty of Jakku. It was wrong, all wrong. This feeling boiling up from within the confines of his stomach pleaded for him to run back to her and say...

What? What could he say? Be with me? Don't leave like everyone else did...

No. It was wrong.

Wasn't it?

"Kylo!"

He continued walking, ignoring the small voice in the distance that obviously belonged to Rey.

"Kylo, will you stop!"

He walked a bit faster, hopefully not quicker to be noted.

"Why are you speeding up?"

Shit. "I don't want you following me! Marker, you're more annoying than a Wookie on a Scoundrel!"

"Are you seriously trying to insult me by using your father and Chewy as a comparison?"

His ears fired up, probably pink from how utterly ridiculous that sounded. Wait, why did he care what she thought? "What if I am?"

She huffed out of aggravation. "Kylo will you please just stop!"

He did, so quickly that she nearly smacked into him. Rey halted and took a breath and a moment to take him in. They were extremely close, not as close as they were when the woke up together, but enough that she could smell his sweat trickling off him. 

"Woah...okay..um." 

"Well?"

She hesitated. "Well, I just don't want to be alone and I know you don't either."

"Yes I do, that's why I walked away."

Her eyes fell to his chest, then swiftly back up to his eyes, fearful that he was watching them wonder. "You don't mean that."

"Rey, yes I do! Stop chasing me like you're going to find something because you're not, there's nothing here!" His fist slammed against his chest. "I'm dead, Ben is dead!" His eyes started watering, yet held back the tears like his life depended on it. "Not even you can save me so you might as well leave the way you came and forget about me. I am not worth your time. I am not worth your tears. I am not worth your devotion, your smile, your radiance, your love. I AM WORTH NOTHING!"

His face heated red as tears spilled over treading down each side of his face. The energy released from his lips took so much out of him, Kylo's knees caved into themselves. He fell into the sand, on his hands and knees before Rey, nearly bowing.

"Just leave me." He whimpered.

Rey stepped back, out of Kylo's eyesight. She watched his hair fall around the line of his jaw, shading him in a deeper shadow than he already had been cloaked in for years. Her fingers twined into each other, unsure of what to say or do next. It was then she kneeled down to his level, taking her hand under his rough chin, forcing his eyes to meet hers.

They were so very dark and wet, pinker than white and terribly sad. They almost said to her, "love me" a phrase that his lips refused to shape. 

"I don't know what this is." Rey began. "I have no idea what connects us and what I feel for you, but it isn't nothing and it's a feeling that I can't ignore any longer. I don't think...I don't care if you serve the First Order. I don't care that you made all the wrong choices because when it comes down to it, I still can't change the way I feel about you. I want to be with you, I feel less lonely when you're with me. Please don't throw me away as my parents did, I'm begging you." A drop of water fell between them, this time spilling from her eyes.

He searched for something, a sign of doubt maybe? He found nothing.

"Don't you?"

"Don't I what?"

"Feel less lonely with me." Her hands found his, they brushed together, ring fingers hooking onto each other. "Ben?"

He didn't flinch at the sound of his birth name. When she said it, his mind wandered into a future that his present self screamed that it would not come true. Rey and him happy, on a planet with all the colors of the rainbow painted through the land. Waterfalls roaring in the background with sapphire skies above them. He reached for her hand and she turned around to smile. His world was perfect, all because she was in it.

When he came back to his senses, she was still holding onto him, waiting for him to answer her.

"I don't--"

Her eyes might have widened slightly.

"I don't want to lose you." Without warning, he leaned into her face capturing her lips in a smack of saliva and pressure. The kiss was sloppy and wet. Rey's mouth puffed out air against Kylo's, perhaps out of pure shock from his gut action. At that, he retracted, his face red and eyes avoiding hers all too fearful that she would reject his sudden attraction to her. "I-I shouldn't have done that."

He moved to get up but was forced back down by Rey's hand pulling him down again. Halfway she met his lips in a struggle to taste him. She shut her eyes hard pressing her face forward into his. Their lips met in a frantic wave of salt and nervous sweat. Kylo froze, so incredibly moved by her want to kiss him back.

He moved his hands off the ground, gluing them to the sides of her hips. They traced her ribs moving up and over her shoulders, now tangled within the chestnut waves of her hair. Her's still holding his hand, squeezing hard while the other cupped the curve of his jawline. It was Kylo now pressing forward, forcing Rey to lean back and nearly loose balance. To prevent that from happening, Kylo's arm snaked around her back bring her entire body into his chest. A moan was released from them both at the touch. Rey's mouth opened slightly, wanting more than just their kiss to be a surface action. She craved depth to their physical encounter, so much so her tongue darted out requesting his lips to part and taste her from within.

Kylo noticed once the initial shock of her unasked question subsided. His mouth worked easier on her lips, yet answered with his own opening and entering her moist cavern. He traced every centimeter of her mouth, and once he finished Rey didn't expect him to continue down the length of her neck, eventually ending in the curve where her pulse laid dormant.

"Ben..." She breathed.

He pulled away, lifting his eyes at hers. "I'm done. I'm done."

She drew a concerned look at him. "Tell me how you feel." She knew he wouldn't answer right away. She repeated. "I want to know how you feel about me." Her hand moved across his chin, thumbing the pad of his lower lip. She wanted to taste him again and again.

"How I feel?'

She nodded, nervous that what they just did was out of lust not--

"I don't know what I'm feeling."

"Do you know what I'm feeling?" He could have guessed as much. "I don't want you to stop touching me." His eyes widened, and she smiled close his to ear and whispered, "I want you to want me, Ben." Rey's lips found his cheek and hovered over the constructs of his face, searching for the right place to land. "Tell me what you want. Please."

Kylo would be lying if he said he didn't want her, but the words just couldn't form. He searched for something, anything, to say to her, to not leave her hanging with her heart pouring out from the seams. "I-" He was stumbling. "I need-- need you to leave me alone."

His eyes darkened and heart shriveled up at the lie.

Rey, on the other hand, looked like she was going to pass out. Her face drained into stark white, empty and nearly devoid of all feeling. She felt nothing, then she felt rage. "Alright. Fine." She stood so fast, taking her warmth with her. Kylo regretted his choice instantly. "Have it your way Kylo."

As she walked away from Kylo still kneeling in the sand, all he could think about was how Rey tasted, her willingness to open up to him and the sound of her crying as she ran parallel to the shoreline. Away from him.


End file.
